Something every bride anticipates is the first night together with her husband following her wedding celebrations. Your honeymoon night may be your first consummation and one of ‘pure pleasure’ or you might already have an established relationship of ‘proven pleasure’ with your partner, either way, nothing can take away the excitement of making love together for the first time as man and wife.
Whether your honeymoon night is a rite of passage or a time-honoured tradition, it serves as a doorway into the future that will deepen your bond of love and trust with your husband. Here’s how to make that ‘first night’ count…
You may have, metaphorically-speaking, already climbed Mount Kilimanjaro with your fiancé, but that doesn’t mean to say that on your special night the stars are necessarily going to collide for you. For a man, getting married is up there at the top of the stress-inducing list of activities. Add alcohol into the mix and your first night may be nothing more than a half-remembered, if familiar, fumble… So, what to do, girls?
- Don’t have sex for a few weeks before your wedding, it will build anticipation and peak his drive.
- Know your and your partners’ drinking habits and capabilities – at the wedding party, enjoy yourself but don’t tip the scales to where you are losing control. Keep the sexual tension top of mind with a little light flirting and invite your new husband to bring his bottle of champagne/scotch to the honeymoon suite at a chosen time. If your accommodation requires a car trip, make sure you have a dedicated driver to get you there safely – a great opportunity to kiss in the back seat!
- Surprise him! Do something completely fresh and out of character – if you are usually shy and demure in bed, switch roles – this is your chance to show him you can be versatile and imaginative. If you want to be celebrating your 25th marriage anniversary one day, this is a good time to start practicing. Whether you play the ‘French maid’, the dominatrix, or the virgin, give him and you something to remember.
- Gift him one thing on your special night. It could be a massage to warm him up (the lower back is an erogenous zone for men), it could be a pole dance, it could be oral sex of the type he likes best. This is the time to give him some attention. So far the big day has been all about you, there is no harm in making him feel the centre of attraction now.
- Ask him for one thing that you would really like him to do to you… it could be sucking your toes, simply holding you and caressing you, it could be just discussing the day. This is your first step in connecting to what you really want and then learning how to ask for it…
For those of you discovering your husband sexually for the first time, your imminent wedding night really ups the thrill – and the pressure – for both of you. Whatever your friends or relatives may tell you – don’t listen – you and your partner are totally unique human beings, with your own magnificent qualities and experiences – embrace this night without expectations or pre-judgement, rather choose the way you want it to be, for you.
Communication is key. Before the wedding, choose a quiet time to speak together with your fiancé about both your feelings regarding the wedding night. By revealing your concerns and fears, you allow him to be vulnerable about his.
Once you are alone in the bedroom, offer him a snack and refreshments to share together, to bridge any awkwardness.
Use the cliché of ‘slipping into something more comfortable’ to take a moment in the bathroom to prepare yourself. Really look at how beautiful and perfect you are in the bathroom mirror. Take a few breathes and let go any expectations or thoughts you may have. Enter the room ready to simply allow your body to flow with the sensations.
There is a good chance that you may not reach orgasm your first time and if your hymen is still intact, there may be a slight discomfort and a little bleeding – this does not last and is almost never anything serious.
Your partner will most likely be experiencing the same pressures as you. If he is unable to maintain an erection or he experiences pre-ejaculation, try to change the mood. You have plenty of time to get it right, and right now is the time to take any guilty or bad feelings out of the moment. Spend some time kissing or fondling each other, or tickling and laughing together.
Take note of what felt good and don’t be afraid to give your husband feedback on how it was for you, in this way you can start to build on your pleasurable experiences.
Make sure you have something beautiful and elegant to wear the next day. You want to look as great as you did the day before, only this time, you now carry the confidence of being a full woman.
Finally, remember that marriage is not about sex, it is about forming a deep and lasting bond of trust and respect that goes both ways, out of that, great sex will naturally follow.